I like to think that I have pretty good coping skills. I’m lucky for so many reasons and when I’m having a bad day, I can always call my mom who makes me feel better. I’ve got all those things that matter: a loving and supportive husband, great kids, and my writing. I’d like to say that I’ve got my health too, because a lot of the time I feel pretty strong and healthy (when I’m running), but I won’t because I have a chronic illness, and on days like today, when my blood sugar won’t get below 250, I feel sick. I feel tired. I am short with my kids. I am stressed out about finances and don’t know if my blood sugar is high because I’m stressed, or I’m stressed because my blood sugar is high. On days like today it feels like a lose/lose, and there are no coping skills strong enough (exercise, red wine, coffee, reading, writing, fresh air, extra insulin….) to pull me through.
I hate to complain. I hate to feel sorry for myself. “There is always someone worse off than you,” my grandmother used to say, and I know she meant to make me feel better, but it didn’t. I want to curl up in bed and escape into a book, but I’ve got my boys who need dinner and baths and books before their day is done. I want a day off from Diabetes. I want to be able to eat without thinking, to run without worrying about being low, to wake up without worrying about being high, to run my hands over my skin and not feel a pump. One day off would be nice. Either that or some improved coping skills, because mine aren’t cutting it….