I had one of those bad lows today, the kind I haven’t had in awhile, the kind where the objects in front of my eyes start to flash, and the worst part was that I was Christmas shopping in the middle of Toy R Us with my 3 boys. Reid and Miles were climbing in and out of the $300 battery operated cars, Will was browsing in another aisle, and I was standing there trying to stay calm, eating one glucose tab after another. I’m confident that no one noticed, and after a few minutes, I was steady on my feet and swimming my way back to the surface with the rest of the shoppers.
I was low because that morning I’d been high, and gave an extra bolus to bring myself down. Obviously the blous was too much and now, many hours later as I sit at the table writing, I am toast. Exhausted. Spent. These roller coaster days don’t happen often, but when they do, they remind me of that I am not invincable. That Christmas shopping alone with my kids on a Saturday in December may not be the best idea. That most of the time after I’ve been high, I am low, and that if I am going to be low the best place to be is home.
But they also make me feel small and ashamed and not like a very good mother. The logical part of my brain knows that mistakes happen and I shouldn’t beat myself up but still, when I am standing in the middle of Toy R Us with the lights flashing, the emotional part of my brain feels like a failure.
I’m thankful that these days don’t happen very often, and I’m thankful for glucose tabs. Here’s to shopping online.