Weaning myself…..

After weeks of fighting with my insurance company and hours on the phone between my mailorder drug company and my doctor…I’ve given up. Blue Cross Blue Shield has won. (In July BCBS reduced the number of test strips they will cover from 900 every 3 months to 600.) I simply don’t have the time or energy to figure out how to convince them that I need more test strips than they are willing to cover, so I’ve said okay. Fine. Instead of testing 10 times a day, I’ll drop to 6, maybe they are onto something, maybe my insurance company knows more than I do about the tools I need to manage my illness. I’ll do it your way. So I’ve begun weaning myself from testing.

The first day felt like I was swimming through the unknown….a gray, murky water where I couldn’t see the bottom. I felt reckless and unprotected without the familiarity of always checking my blood sugar, of always knowing what I was whenever I needed. Throughout the day I looked longingly at the box of strips, wanting to test, but I held strong. No, I thought, you don’t need this, these 6 boxes have to last for 3 months, stay strong!

(For those of you who are wondering what the big deal is….if I use all my test strips up before then, my insurance won’t pay and I will have to buy the strips myself and they are $1.00 a strip. Not cheap.)

Today is day 2 of testing just 6 times a day and it feels like torture. Am I low? I wondered as I cooked dinner. But I didn’t want to test, I only had 2 left and I needed to save one for bedtime. So I gambled and had 2 glucose tabs and felt better. Okay then, I thought, feeling confident, maybe I can do this, maybe all these years I’ve just been lazy about listening to my body’s clues, needlessly using test strip after test strip. So I waited and tested before dinner and was 100. Perfect! I thought, ah-ha! Like the little blue train I told myself, I think I can, I think I can. With one strip left to go, I waited until bedtime to test. (I wanted to test at 8pm but felt okay so I waited.) At 9pm I was kind of hungry and tired but that wasn’t unusual. At 9:45pm I pricked my finger, dotted the blood and waited for the number. I was 280. Damn. Defeated. I gave another shot and now I’m worried about what I’ll be in the middle of the night….what if I drop? What would my insurance company do?

ps…I’m not totally reckless…I’ll test when needed, it’s just too bad I’ll be paying for it later.

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