These are the days of our lives. My last thought as I was falling asleep last night was about the secrecy of diabetes. After a week of high blood sugars, I’ve come back down and have now been low for 2 days. I went out last night, (a rare girl’s night) out with the mothers from my son’s kindergarten class, and came home to a blood sugar of 35! Yikes! I need to email my friend who drove us home last night to apologize if I was acting weird. I don’t think I was, I know I was having a hard time following the conversation but I’d also had 2 happy hour mojitos…….I tested one time after dinner and was 75. Good, I thought, I was worried I might be high from the drinks. Apparently I just kept dropping and ended up dangerously low.
But the secrecy. I secretly tested my blood sugar under the table and discreetly gave my shot instead of getting up from the table b/c I would have had to squeeze past 2 other women and well, it was just easier to stay seated. Everyone discreetly looked the other way. And then when I started to feel low, I kept quiet. We’d leave soon, I knew, but not soon enough. I was secretive about my low blood sugar when I came home to my husband b/c I didn’t want him to know I couldn’t manage a girl’s night out without getting low. After testing my blood and seeing the result, I yanked the strip out of the machine before anyone saw, I wanted to act like I was fine, and discreetly drank oj from the carton as I stood in front of the open fridge, hiding(?) and letting the air cool me.
Why the shame? Because I feel like a failure, because I feel like I need to call my friends in the morning and apologize for acting strange. It wasn’t me, it was my diabetes……..it was the change in schedule, it was eating out and drinking liquer and not knowing how to judge what I was eating and it goes on and on….like sand through the hourglass…..